I don’t want to be a Freud and end up connecting having sex as the prime drive for any happening in the world, but my wife and I came up with a hypothesis which held consistent when we analyzed the findings with our own friends! It is a known phenomenon to associate personalities to cats and dogs, but we have taken it a step ahead in including the victims of the cats and other categories too. I would want to name this theory as the Sex game theory. I wish I had known this theory in my puberty; either my sexual conversion rate would have shot up the roof or even if not, it would have at least saved me many frustrations from relationships or even have made me a millionaire on the money that I could have saved from the gifts in vain.

We put forth four categories of active sexual personalities: cat personalities, dog personalities, sucker to cats and the hunters. There are two more categories to cover the non-participating spectrum which are the creep and the inactive. Everyone will have a mix of these traits in reality and some of them will have one trait as the lead and the others in the background.

These categories apply to all sexes and it covers the kind of interplay between sexes of mutual attraction. Why does your boyfriend not able to settle down and call you a girlfriend? Why do people tend to have affairs? Something more subtle: she does not seem to have a closure with her former boyfriends and says that there is nothing more than friendship? There are some couples who tend to be unfaltering and seem to have happy and healthy partnership for a long time. How do they manage it? I know a friend (you know that it’s me!) who tries too hard to get the girl, even though the girl doesn’t seem interested! Yet he ends up buying one gift after another, but only to end in vain. When I see him, I felt bad for him and at the same time furious over the woman for not accepting such a nice guy. But now, knowing these personality types, I’m neither feeling sad for him for not getting her nor furious over her for not accepting him. I’m rather sad for him that he is building up so much frustration for one uninterested girl and just running up against a wall. Knowing the personality types certainly brought me an “Aha” moment in understanding these questions and I’m at much peace with my ex-girlfriends (where the gifts worked), especially the ones who bring my blood to boil just when I hear their name.

Categories 1 & 2: The cats and sucker to cats

They are the divas who don’t settle down so easily. Simply think of them as an actual cat. How much loyalty can you expect from cats? They seem to be only interested in you when they need cuddles or food. Let’s assume a man who is a cat. When a woman first greets him, he would make a tiny move in way of getting her attention. He might use something which he is strong at which can be his smile, his looks or humour, depending on if and to what the girl responds to. The moment the girl shows the attention to something, his first step is fulfilled. This is something that can be equated to a cat marking its territory when it first comes brushing against you or leaves its scent. The actual trap for the woman is when she would respond to him the second time. The cat man will just use her for something of benefit to him be it sex, money or even something as simple as helping to kill time. But he will not be available when she needs him. The more such instances occur, the more hurt she would feel. He would feel nothing, as he is constantly getting the attention from her whenever he needs from her. This will hurt her ego and she might resort two courses of actions. Either ditch him completely or simply vie for him to put “her” ego to rest. Despite having the option to say f*ck off to the cat, many simply continue to cuddle the cat, even if the cat does not seem to show appreciation for each move of hers. These women or men, the victims or suckers to cats, are the ones who end up being the so called nice guys. (I had this nice guy phase lasting for about two years)

We tend to see both types of women in our circle: the ones who give in and the ones who ditch and move on. As for him, he does not mind either of the responses, as he is a cat and he might well have more victims like her lined up like cuddle slaves. If one slave backs out, his nature will soon get the next one in service. He being in the center of attention or the star of the show is the one what his ego wants. Meanwhile the victims tend to have a relationship with the cat which seems to drag forever without a conclusion.

Cat behaviour can be with both sexes. Anyone can be a cat and not all the cats tend to be equally extreme like in the example above. It also depends on how the victims respond. He might think that he is handsome, but the world might have other thoughts and in the end he might not have any victims at all, simply because he is not getting the responses. In this case, over the time his cat trait might tend to slip out to the background and a dog trait could come to the forefront.  But if they tend to have this cat aspect as their leading trait and if they tend to know that one thing which makes the victims come to them, they can be very dangerous in making multiple victims.  Be it beauty or entertainment, if the cat tends to know why they are needed and acknowledge themselves that they are beautiful or perceived cool in their circle, there is no stopping them in enjoying carnage of broken hearts!

It is also normal that we see people having passing partners in their life, but they never seem to be able to settle down one. They are most likely to be cats. If they just motivate getting milk from random people, on the long term, they are likely to die alone. This is the movie plot of Matthew McConaughey’s “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past”

Category 3: Dogs

Dogs are loyal. They are stable, friendly and approachable. The men/women of this category tend to be very much reliable and they think on long term. Despite their stable outlook, sexual approach may not be their strong point. One part of them might tend towards a direct approach to showing sexual interest or partnership, which makes life simple, but not as fancy as how a cat person might project it. If they tend to be shy and not able to talk direct, they sadly end up as sucker to cats or simply go inactive. Direct or Inactive, they in general they might not be the most sensitive if a sexual advance is made towards them. They struggle to pick cues. A friend of mine once had a “missed, close call” that an attractive girl living on the same floor as his in the hostel always would wear a bright red lipstick whenever she would go to visit him, but he never picked up the cue and came to know about it only years later after she confessed it. She once even asked him to zip her skirt up!

They might not be as seducing as a cat, but you will be spared of much drama and you can have a peace of mind with them. When you wonder how two people have managed together for so long, it’s likely that at least one of them has a strong dog personality and is of very much accepting nature. The dogs would not need a variety and their ego takes solace from having stability and having someone loyal around. Even if they have deviating wishes, they might not insist on them as they tend to understand the risk of losing a strong partner. When the drive to the other sex tends to be constant, a dog might even develop a focus on other things in life making them successful not just in relationships, but also financially or with hobbies. Thereby dogs tend to have a contented life. I’m having my own dog time too, after having met my now wife. Once our relationship got stable, I stopped picking up cues and she once appreciated me with a kiss when I did not notice a random woman making a pass at me and I responded dud. (Sometimes I got gifts too!).

Category 4: Hunters

This is a rare category of Barney Stinsons or the Casanovas. They do exist. Have you wondered about a friend of yours who tend to hang out with a new girlfriend every other week? There are no dramas or beards in his break up. He simply moves on for his next prey and he gets one in no time. There may be two kinds of hunters, the one who seem to have no shame. Many women would identify them at the first glance and be with them just for a temporary pleasure. The ones who end up in a relationship sooner or later rush out of it in a hurry. The second of the hunter are the real pros where their break-ups seem smooth and even the women tend to be happy with those guys even if it was obviously temporary from the beginning. They are extremely sensitive and they know which button to push on to extract what they want from their opposite sex. On that part, the latter are the true hunters and the former are the desperate hunters. What makes them a hunter is their success in conversion rate into intimate relationships. A cat can also seek for multiple partners but they neither end in a meaningful relationship nor simply end! Meanwhile, I belong to his peaceful meadow of people who are neither hunters and nor the hunted!

Rewarding mechanism & non-participating categories:

That’s that about the categories which tries to figure out types of people when it comes to handling opposite sex. This theory applies only to opposite sexes or if I should be fair, it applies to sexes of the mutually attractive nature. Else there will be no reward mechanism for the games to happen at the first place. May be this could happen at workplaces where the boss subordinate relationship tend to happen over a reward called salary increase, bonus or promotion, but this relationship will not have that revisiting tendency as in a cat coming back to tease again. Ideally a boss will just want to get the work done. He or she wouldn’t be interested in the game play as it will steal the productivity. But reality is hormone driven and it’s common for us to see such exchanges happening at work even if it’s at a cost of productivity.

For the same reason of the rewarding logic discussed above, we would exclude two groups of people from this exchange: the creeps and the inactive. Both groups are socially inept in their own way, which hinders any kind of healthy exchange to happen. The creeps with their body language, eye movements or choice of vocabulary tend having their anxiousness over or under expressed that they end up giving all wrong signals involuntarily to such an extent that it may even look threatening to the basic safety needed in a partner play. And the Inactive are people who don’t freak out others, but they are socially not participating, or remain invisible, or tending to surround themselves not with the attractive sex.

Summary:

Everyone is in some degree a mix of everything and a majority of them will have one leading trait. They can choose to consciously control and have the role they want. All such games tend to reach a short time goal, which is just feeding their ego, but for a healthy partnership on a long run, people should motivate their dog side. The whole point is about knowing which category you belong to and being conscious about it. I was sucker to cat for some years and moved on consciously to a dog personality. This is something that can be changed with lots of effort and all it needs at the first place is that you don’t lie to yourselves and choose your fair role – be it a cat, dog, sucker, hunter, creep or inactive. Once you achieve that you will be able to shuffle it the way you want. Cat people can finally find their stable partners. The victims to cats can be saved from an enormous amount of stress! The dogs can learn to sharpen their senses. Hunters like cats might be good with sexual affairs, but they even need to develop a dog side to gain some stability. Finally creeps and Inactive, if it somehow helps them to throw away their expired condom in the wallet and/or find a partner, I will be happy.

I can expand more on this topic with voluntary case studies and refine it to details when the chance or demand exists, but for now I leave it to you to explore your personalities and be successful with your relationships! I would like to you hear your stories too. Share it to my inbox or comments section.

P.S. Even in this writing I noticed that it’s a cat which gets more attention! Drama sells!

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